my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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