I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
