yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you win again, gameday.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
