The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
