are you still at the devil's house?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
