Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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