he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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