Apparently you make a good broom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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