her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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