Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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