You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
