I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
