who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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