I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
