at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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