Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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