First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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