good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
