First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
