I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
