I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
