GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
