I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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