I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
