Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
