dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
