Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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