Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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