I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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