I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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