Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
