barbara walters just said penis...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
