What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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