You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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