Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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