I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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