He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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