dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
