Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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