just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
