turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
