Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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