I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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