im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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