You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
