he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
