Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All the doctor said was why
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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