1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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