i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
