oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
