you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
