Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
