I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
