i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
