it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
