remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
foreskin is a definite game changer
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
