hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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