we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
