Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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