My first STD was from a foam party
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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