i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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