When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
