There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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