Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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