If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
