I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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