i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
