he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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