Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
