my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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