I hate all girls vehemently.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
